I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
