i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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