sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
