So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
