all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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