I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
