It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
