Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
MIDGETS
????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
