I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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