My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
