Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
