I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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