My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wear drunk well.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
