I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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