dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
