How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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