make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this boner is exhausting
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at about main and main street
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
