six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
