dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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