I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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