I want to have your abortion
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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