I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
