The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When are your genitals available?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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