my phone needs a breathalizer
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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