worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i drank out of a bidet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
