If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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