marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize