I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
