You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
