At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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