1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize