also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
