Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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