This girl is more easily done than said...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
