Apparently you make a good broom.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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