oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
