can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
