Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
