Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
