Kiss
Puke
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
