I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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