I'm pants shitting drunk right now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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