Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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