wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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