Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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