Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
