He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
