Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
