so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
