Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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