you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
