i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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