where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
