around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
