bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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