She's JV to your varsity
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
