I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
