Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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