the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love accidental penises.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
