We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
