Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
