So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
