I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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