Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
