did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
