Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
