Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
