I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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