these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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