I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
