I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
