i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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