she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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