I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize