I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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