Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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