Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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