I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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