as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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