it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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