It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
