I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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