id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
